Only In Israel….

Only in Israel! By the Israeli humorist, Efraim Kishon

1. Israel is a country surrounded on all sides by enemies, but the people’s headaches are caused by the neighbors upstairs.

2. Israel is a country where the same drivers who cuss you and flip you the bird will immediately pull over and offer you all forms of help if you look like you need it.

3. Israel is the only country in the world with bus drivers and taxi drivers who read Spinoza and Maimonides.

4. Israel is the only country in the world where reservists are bossed around and commanded by officers, male and female, younger than their own children.

5. Israel is the only country in the world where “small talk” consists of loud, angry debate over politics and religion.

6. Israel is the only country in the world where the coffee is already so good that Starbucks went bankrupt trying to break into the local market.

7. Israel is one of the few places in the world where the sun sets into the Mediterranean Sea.

8. Israel is the only country in the world whose soldiers eat three sets of salads a day, none of which contain any lettuce (which is not really a food), and where olives ARE a food and even a main course in a meal, rather than something one tosses into a martini.

9. Israel is the only country in the world where one is unlikely to dig a cellar without hitting ancient archaeological artifacts.

10. Israel is the only country in the world where the leading writers in the country take buses.. Israel is the only country in the world where the graffiti is in Hebrew.

11. Israel is the only country in the world where the “black folks” walking around all wear yarmulkes.

12. Israel is the only country in the world that has a National Book Week, during which almost everyone attends a book fair and buys books.

13. Israel is the only country in the world where the ultra-Orthodox Jews beat up the police and not the other way around.

14. Israel is the only country in the world where inviting someone “out for a drink” means drinking cola, coffee or tea.

15. Israel is the only country in the world where bank robbers kiss the mezuzah as they leave with their loot.

16. Israel is one of the few countries in the world that truly likes and admires the United States.

17. Israel is the only country in the world that introduces applications of high-tech gadgets and devices, such as printers in banks that print out your statement on demand, years ahead of the United States and decades ahead of Europe.

18. Israel is the only country in the world where everyone on a flight gets to know one another before the plane lands. In many cases, they also get to know the pilot and all about his health or marital problems.

19. Israel is the only country in the world where no one has a foreign accent because everyone has a foreign accent.

20. Israel is the only country in the world where people cuss using dirty words in Russian or Arabic because Hebrew has never developed them.

21. Israel is the only country in the world where patients visiting physicians end up giving the doctor advice.

22. Israel is the only country in the world where everyone strikes up conversations while waiting in lines.

23. Israel is the only country in the world where people call an attach case a “James Bond” and the “@” sign is called a “strudel”.

24. Israel is the only country in the world where there is the most mysterious and mystical calm ambience in the streets on Yom Kippur, which cannot be explained unless you have experienced it.

25. Sunsets in Jerusalem are gorgeous every evening. 26. Israel is the only country in the world where people read English, write Hebrew, and joke in Yiddish.

A Toast To The Iranian Goat Fucker Ahamadinejad On The Anniversary Of The Islamic Revolution

Recently, the Iranian Midget Ahamadinejad has been ramping up again on his threats against the United States and Israel.

From The Washington Times:

The Iranian government on Monday stepped up military threats in advance of an anniversary celebration as major powers continued talks on a new round of sanctions.

Iran’s supreme leader, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, said in Tehran that his country would stun the Western world on Thursday, the 31st anniversary of Iran’s Islamic revolution. Iran’s defense minister announced on Monday that its forces had conducted successful tests on new armed unmanned aircraft and advanced air defenses.

“The Iranian nation, with its unity and God’s grace, will punch the arrogance [Western powers] on the 22nd of Bahman [Feb. 11] in a way that will leave them stunned,” Ayatollah Khamenei was quoted as saying by Agence France-Presse.

Well, I can’t just let that rest so I pulled up an old post when I combined a couple of poems I had found online and doctored up the words a bit just to fit that Goat Fucking peice of shit from Iran and would like to offer it to the Islamic Regime of Iran on the day they celebrate Jimmy Carter’s surrender to them and their Islamic Revolution.

Here’s what I think of your threats you little prick….

Here’s to Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad that towelheaded scum, may the US blast his ass to kingdom come. 

He’s a bagless wonder that lives in a cave, may U.S. Marines piss Jack Daniels on that cocksucker’s grave.

Mahmoud being a chickenshit faggot lives off camel turds with a topping of maggot, Ahmadinejad doesn’t think we have the guts to come and blow off his islamic nuts!

We will eat all his hummus and drink all his tea, and screw every princess in Tehran.  

We’ll cut off his balls and split his bag, then wipe our asses on his Iranian flag. We will walk in his palace and shit on his floor, and hang Old Glory right over his door. 

 We’ll nuke his cities and shit on the streets, and piss on every Iranian Shiite we meet. We will darken his honor and shorten his joy, and show him the spirit of this American Jew boy.

From the Land of the Free and the home of hte brave, we will march into Teharan and shit on his grave.

But now America is all done with his crap, so let’s just nuke the fuckers right off of the map.

So here’s to Mahmoud that son-of-a-bitch, may his pecker fall off with the seven year itch. May they beat on his balls with a big brass hammer, till his asshole starts whistling The Star-Spangled Banner.

Poem Courtesy of John Valby with some doctoring up by yours truly!

Hump Day: Gratuitous Jewish Bikini Babe

From the Cover of Sports Illustrated Swimsuit and spiraling downward to The Best Damn Jewish Blog Ever and all the way from the Jewish State of Israel, model Bar Refaeli to warm you up on these cold nights!

bar_refaeli_bikini_si_01

08_bar-refaeli_01

barrefaeli

bar-refaeli-1

To bad such a beautiful Jewish woman is wasting herself on that panty waste little asshat Leonardo Di Crappio.

I know, I know…What’s with the fucking lizard?  Must be someone escaped from Little Green Footballs!

Hamas Can Haz A Bailout?

Obama kills Jews

Islamic Terror Organization Hamas is happy that the Moonbat Messiah, Barack Hussein Obama is rewarding their hard work in his campaign with a chunk of the Bailout funds to the tune of $900 Million Dollars.

From WND:

TEL AVIV, Israel – Hamas is "very happy" with a pledge this week from the Obama administration to provide $900 million in aid for rebuilding the Hamas-controlled Gaza Strip, a spokesman from the Islamist organization told WND.

"We are very happy with this decision," said Hamas spokesman Fawzi Barhoum, speaking by cell phone from Gaza. "In the first place, this money will go toward reconstructing efforts."

Barhoum said he expects the money to be tightly controlled. He said the funds are likely to be delineated to the Palestinian Authority and to the United Nations Relief and Work Agency, or UNWRA, which administers aid to millions of Palestinian "refugees" in the Gaza Strip and West Bank.

Hamas has a close relationship with UNWRA; the agency openly employs a large number of Hamas members, including some of the group’s most senior terrorists.

The Islamic Terror group openly endorsed Obama for President and even had set up phone banks in Gaza to make campaign calls in America and was rumored to have funded the Obama campaign with illegal donations thanks to Obama’s lax security of his website which allowed for anyone to donate funds secretly.

cn hamas have a bailout

Did you ever imagine the day when the American government would begin funding the killing of Jews?  Hitler must be laughing his ass off right about now at this ironic turn of events.

Our economy is in the shitter, and Dear Leader promises our money to mass murdering lunatics who use children as human shields.  Looks like Obama is fighting a proxy war against the Jewish State of Israel…Rev. Jeremiah Wright must be so proud.

cn hamas have bombs

 

Obama Is More Worried About Right Wing Jewish Government Then Radical Iranian Nutjobs

Hamas Loves Obama

Hamas Loves Obama

With the prospects of Binyamin Netanyahu becoming Israel’s newest Prime Minister, the Moonbat Messiah and his radical left wing anti semitic followers are becoming increasingly uneasy over a Right Wing leader such as Netanyahu who unlike Obama, shows great strength as a leader unlike the doveish weakness of America’s biggest mistake ever.

From the Jewish Post:

US officials are publicly taking a wait-and-see approach to the formation of a new Israeli government, but privately many have expressed concern that Likud leader Binyamin Netanyahu might preside over a right-wing coalition.

“The administration is being very cautious,” said an Israeli official about the silence from US officials right now.

“There would be great unease” at the prospect of such a government, said one Capitol Hill source.

He predicted that a governing coalition of parties from the Right could embolden the left flank of the Democratic party and turn up pressure, particularly in the US Congress, to pass measures that made clear demands on Israel.

Personally, I am glad to see that Israel has chosen a leader that will not bow down to the Obamessiah.  If that were the case, then surely Israels days would be numbered.

Iranian President Mahmoud I’manutjob has already seen through the Moonbat Messiah and smells weakness and is eager to try and lead America away from her traditional allies in return for a false peace.

I am comforted to see that not all Jews have been slurping the koolaid at the Fountain of O and used good common sense in choosing a strong competent leader versus America and it’s false Messiah.

Moonbat Messiah To Woo Iranian Madman In Letter

I'm With Stupid

I'm With Stupid

All praise and honor the Obamessiah, for he will save us all! (sarc)

My Dearest Mahmoud,

From The Gateway Pundit:

Officials of Barack Obama‘s administration have drafted a letter to Iran from the president aimed at unfreezing US-Iranian relations and opening the way for face-to-face talks, the Guardian has learned.

The US state department has been working on drafts of the letter since Obama was elected on 4 November last year. It is in reply to a lengthy letter of congratulations sent by the Iranian president, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, on 6 November.

Diplomats said Obama’s letter would be a symbolic gesture to mark a change in tone from the hostile one adopted by the Bush administration, which portrayed Iran as part of an “axis of evil”.

It would be intended to allay the ­suspicions of Iran’s leaders and pave the way for Obama to engage them directly, a break with past policy.

State department officials have composed at least three drafts of the letter, which gives assurances that Washington does not want to overthrow the Islamic regime, but merely seeks a change in its behaviour. The letter would be addressed to the Iranian people and sent directly to Iran’s supreme leader, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, or released as an open letter.

Why in the hell does Obama want to make nice with a tyrannical regime that arms Islamic Terrorists worldwide and provides supplies and munitions to Hizbullah and Hamas in their quest to destroy the Jewish State of Israel?

Gaza Poster Commemorates Dead Assholes

Jeez, when I was a kid, I had a posters of Farrah Fawcett and Cheryl Tiegs on my wall.  In the Palestinian Occupied land of Gaza where murder and death of innocent civillians is celebrated, posters with the images of Dead Islamic Terrorists are all the rage.

From the Barking Moonbat Early Warning System:

Some were killed when tank shells hit their homes. Others died when bombs erased their offices. Still others met their end battling Israeli troops.

Now their faces are rolling off the presses at the Nibras print shop, which produces full-color posters and banners of the dead. In the wake of Israel’s 22-day Gaza offensive — which killed nearly 1,300 Palestinians — it’s one of the few businesses experiencing a postwar boom.

Islamic Jihad fighter Mohammed Bedawi was among the so-called “martyrs” whose demise was commemorated with a custom-made poster — a tradition for anyone killed by Israel.

“The drone hit him,” said his cousin, Abed Bedawi, 21, referring to Israel’s unmanned surveillance planes, often seen in Gaza’s skies. “He was laying a bomb for a tank when the drone fired a missile at him.”

Before the war, about 30 percent of the print shop’s orders were for martyr posters, co-owner Ahmed al-Hor said; the rest were for things like shop signs and labels for products like tomato sauce, soap and baby food. Now, posters of the dead are 90 percent of his business.

Dead Islamic Terrorists

Dead Islamic Terrorists

Here’s to your one way magic carpet ride to hell assholes!  Pieces be upon you…..Ooops, you’re already in pieces!